recent life

i gt a really terrible illness...
i vomit n ciritbrit all day..
it all start from monday's 6"30pm's chicken rice...few hours then d whole thg started...
i start to vomit n run in n out the toilet from 9pm to 11:30pm i cant tahan i go c doctor..
i get a injection to stop vomit....but then juz when i get home after eat d med...i straight away vomit again......
vomit ...toilet....untill 4pm...
finally can sleep....
u knw i almost kill myself so tat i can stop this...is really shen fu ar.....
but tat time i really tired jor...
but i still wan to go school...i knew i m stupid but i already plan jor...i wan meet my bf...
so i force myself...
but b4 our date end at 3pm i fell sick again....
i go home but my dad come n fetch me at 4:45pm...
i cant tahan...
i vomit outside his car window...
ohgod....
i vomit whever i eat d whole day...i still can c clearly wat i vomit....
i go c doc again....more medi....some vomit at home...
next day was eng test....still sick....go home early....
today feel better=)
hope i will totally recover.
*i really happy u still remember me at tioman....^.^*
pls:i didnt wan to b jealous ..
hope is juz i tot to much~

Lost

i m so so so lost...
wat is happening??
i nvr feel this
i feel so far away from him
i used to knw everythg about him
becoz i m connected wif him
i didnt mind if he miss report anythg tat happens on him to me
bt i still feel sad tat
there is many thgs tat every1 knw bt nt me
i feel like he dun trust me tat much anymore
...bt mayb i also nt tat trust him too...
i m crying...
so sad...
i knw u r busy on work...
every msg u gav me
u giv this kind of feels
u let me knw tat u r nt happi u r sad...
bt i still can c ur bright happi smile on ur face when u r wid ur fren...
mayb u r right...mayb tat kind of smile doesnt means tat u r really happi...
bt yet...
4 now
is nt really tat often to c u smile like this when u r wif me
wat is happening??
T.T
i used to b the onli gal tat is really connect wif u
u r nt shy bt u r juz
dun really a very socialize ppl
bt then
now i saw many gals around u
u didnt giv me enuf "an quan gan"
u even make me comfused tat m i ur gf??
i really hard to feel anythg
since u dun like to share ur thgs wif me
i used to tell u everythg
when u dun mind listening
bt then u tell me tat u r nt so happi coz
everythg i tell u is sad
i m so lost
i treat u as my best fren my love 1...the important 1..
bt wat m i to u ?
some1 tat u will miss if i leave bt is ok when life without me
i m no longer d onli d one d gal 4 u ...m i ?
i m no longer d one tat make u feel safe right?
i m juz a gal who keep complain
n u feel like when u r in a happi mood to reach me....i shud appreciate it
coz u r busy...n if i giv any no good faces to u
u will annoying n feel like go away since i dun appreciate it right?
tired to say thgs make me smile ....
becoz u r tired n i m a big gal i shud suit myself in this kind of situation right??
y u nvr tot about my feelings?
is been a long while time...u didnt spent ur time wif me
u go out hav lunch wif ur frens when u r free
bt u dun hav time 4 me
becoz going out wif me u need to c ur timetable
u need to c whether u fren ask u out
whether u nid to do thgs
bt u nvr tot about me
how long u been talking to me in one day??
is tat it??
u r busy??bt u still hav ur time to eat at d shopping mall???
y??becoz ur fren wan??
ur fren make u upset then y u make it sound like is was my fault
??
i m so lost...
i wan to leave n stay wif my sis
bt u r d onli reason tat is holding me bac
bt then this how u pay me bac
T.Tall i m asking is
pls stop gt mad tat easy...pls take a litle bit to c to knw wat is happening to me my life
if ur fren is important...then pls try...try think tat i m ur fren too...juz a gal fren....doesnt mean i will wait u to call me to find me when u r free...u r nt my boss...i cant b always waiting...
there will b the end
i dun knw when bt there will
~~~huihui~~~

:)

doesnt wan to guess...i tired to guess anymore...
wats wrong wif me??
T.T
bully me...
i f i can leave u...
c how u still can bully me...
i hate to cry becoz of u ...
knw d word "zhen xi"??
cherish...
do u knw??
am i even important to u??
or mayb nt...when u r busy wif u r world ur own thgs..
no matter wat...
if u r interested in it means i will the 2nd again...
i m sad...i guess u knw...
bt y?
becoz u hav more important thgs to do??
so i hav to forgive n understand even u didnt find me 4 whole day??
T.T
yes...i hav to ...becoz i cant let go..
i cant leave u ..at least 4 now..
i cant....
dearest....
i miss d old time we spent together....
when u r in holiday...
i knw how much u care about me n love me...
bt now...i m comfuse....
becoz...
i hav to worry...in the next min will u might juz say oops...i m busy n i dun hav time to say how mucch i love u...i dun hav time to report everythg to u...i m so tired...i hav so many thgs to do... please go away ...i wan 2 rest......
i gone crazy tat day u say brkup to me....
i m too upset...i cant even remember wat d H. i tell u on d phone wif all my tears in my face....
..............
nt important anymore...
d thgs is..
i wan i try to escape from d love i giv u...
is hard...
is too hard....
or shud i say...actually i doesnt want to leave..............
please...
do some change 4 me....be4 we really end...n be4 my heart broke again...
please remember....u r tired...i am too.....
please dun make me cry anymore...........
........................
tell me.....wat can i do??

love really is blind

zhong jiu hai shi fang bu xia ta...
zhen jui de zi ji hen fan jian...
T.T
mei yong de...
xian zai zhi hao xi wang bu hui zai you shen mou da feng lang...
wo zhi xi wang...ru guo ke yi...fen shou shi liang ge ren gan qing leng le cai fen...
zui hao bu yao shi bu hao de....
wu yan yi dui...
zhi neng shuo wo hai shi hen ai ta..
:)

is another day^.^

i dun always write blog...i juz dun hav d habit^^
bt today i blog again^^
erm...
i m always a cry baby since primary school...
cry might nt even help a little bit...
bt it always make me feel better...
bt lately
i keep losing control..
mayb inside gt somethg rosak jor~~haha
dun knw how to control~
bt d thg is...
feel "stupid"about...." how can i cry twice in college??"
shame shame ~~T___T
bt i juz cant control...
i knew..
i always knew...
every1 gt their hard time...
their problem..pressure....
i knw wat i facing is small...
^.^
bt 4 me is hard a little bit...
i knw i gt d problem think too much loong ago lo~
juz tat i cant help to think too much...
i hav try bt like i say rosak jor cant control
n doesnt knw how to ...
which part is too much??@.@
haha i dun knw too~~
how to change...
i keep tot of my lonely form2 recently...
so sad...
i dun knw y...
i wonder is becoz same bad result i nevr had??
or same dun knw to suit d new place class??
cant catch up??
cant get wat ppl r talk ing about?
feels like i m alone when i m in d class while doing project??coz ppl r talking n...no 1 take notice of me??
feels like wat ever i say is pointless??
wat is going on wif me??
wat makes me so down so sad??
haha....
this is nt maths...negative positive cant help...
is nth to do wif it..
i juz need time to gt over it..

when i was in form2...
i told myself...nver ever let myself into d same situation again...
always been left out...coz no 1 wan to b in 1 group wif me...giving a stupid excuse about wan me to b independent to find own groupmate...
i hate pretending to b sleep during free time...coz i doesnt want to look like too alone while ppl r talking..
hide at my fren's class...while break...
hate to go to school..
feel tired about knwing ppl r talking about u behind..
even gt a website talk about how terrible u r...

tat time i nver knw tat ppl hate me tat much untill i visit tat website...
ha...
haiz.

tat time was really hard 4 me...
i even gt d worst result in my whole secondary school life..
well... my result might nt good bt wasnt tat bad..
tat time...
my sister 4 d 1st time...throwing my books out d house...
becoz of too angry...
feels like i hav been betray by every1 n thgs...


is a bad bad experience..
tat time i learn...
i keep changing...
thanks 2 my best fren..
they didnt left me n still giv me advice
^^i gt frens many frens after form2...


i m sorri i m sensitive all d time...
bt at least i tot i hav a good heart^^
i learn to find out more about d person while being frens wif them..
nt juz about telling them about u^^
care n love ur fren is d key~
tats y later i gt my frens

my result is moving too~^^
mayb nt veri much bt still moving^^
improve a little by alittle^^

so sometimes...
about other ppl...
even my bf..
i m a bit tired to guess..
if they cant change..i m always ready to change...
is fair enuf^^
juz wan to make thgs easier^^
sometimes listen is good
leaving me alone is also good^^
hahahahahhaha
there's always 2 side...


jump leave....flower....tears...sunshine^^
jump^^rabbit jump hahahah

to my frens..

frens..
i m sorry tat i cant help u all...
i hav been try to think in u all d situation...
i hav try to understand...
tats y i keep say i used to feel d same thg...
bt i think u all juz think tat i m happy wif bf n still say tat i m nt happi...
bt i all i m been doing was juz try to be wif u all...
tats all i can do....
to understand... i tot d best way was to be like u all...
i m really sorry tat watever i do or say cant help u all...
bt i really care 4 u all...
i really sad 4 u all...
4 me...i always think tat u all r d best...
i m hav simple brain...
juz i like to think too much....
i love my fren n...i care...
i always hope tat u all r happi...


watever u all think ...
juz hope u all happi....
bt
sometimes i wasnt as happi as u all tot...
bf n family was d onli thg stable 4 me...
i also gt thgs to sad 4..
juz i gt no way to say it out...
In some way u all r happier than me...
in some way i dun hav thgs tat u all hav...
sometimes...
i do feel sad too...
bt
i also dun knw wat to say....
take care....
watever i say...juz dun bother..if u think is nt happi to hear ..
juz pretend u didnt hear...
sorri....



sometimes...when i hear tat u all say i always meet him...
wouldnt hav any problem...
makes me sad....
i m sorri if watever i do hurts u all' s feelings i m sorry...
bt
i do hav my sad moment n time n part too...juz tat
wasnt same wif u all...
wasnt been in d same situation cant feel...
juz....
i m sorri...
...
n when i hav my hard time...
u cant c cant feel...
juz becoz i always been like somethg wrong person...doesnt means my sadness wasnt as sad as d others....
doesnt means....i m nt as sad as urs...
this whole time i hav juz try to think in u all d situation ...
mayb is d wrong way...
if u all dun like i wouldnt say it...
all i been juz trying to do is keep u all wouldnt nt happi...
n i hav to say tat...
i really to care wat su ann say n feel...
sometimes..i dun dare to talk wif u coz i really afraid wat i say makes u more sad...
i cant stand when ppl sad next to me...
i will always try to make them feel better coz i will feel like is my fault....
bt i think i cant make u feel better so..
i always think mingming makes u feel better...
so when ming wif u i always dun wan kacau...
juz take care...
i might be juz think too much bt i do care...
i care about janice also...
mayb sometimes wat i say cant help u...
or i dun gt how isit...
bt all i hope is u will b happi n
wont gt hurt again....
i m sorri...
i hope tat times can help u feel better...
take care^.^

time passes....

this blog... use to be onli 4 my 3 little frens^___^n one special frens...

bt now... because of some resons...i open it 4 d public... ^___^

my life have quite lot of changes.... some good ... some bad...

bt... like my sis say.... even how isit...hav 2 accept it...

one more reason...

y i didnt always write blog...

coz d moment i 2 wan write blog...

is always when i m so down... no one 2 tell.....

college life...is nt bad....

for old friends~~

i knw soome cute frens~~

their are~suann siewming shu hiong hoeyan heyherng janice(onli chonghwa fren)n ah sum ~~

haha~~ onli 1 guy in us~~

bt a nice guy~~ i learn alot from them....

hhehe some is banana~~(some is coconut)hahaa~~

no la...

juz kidding

bt they are really nice n smart...frenly~

always help me...

always~~

eat together~~

at least hav them life in college wont b so hard~

wont b so lonenly~~

bt i never 4gt our funny life wif u all d~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

to new frens~~ ^^

my coconut n balala~~

haha u knw how fun to b wif u all~~

haha~~ sometimes~~u all are childish like me~~

is really happi coz there is no 1 like u all so fun...

n play wif me...

usually...they c i play..

haha ^__^

different~ bt hor~~

really thankyou 4 teaching me so many thgs

n d birthday~~

muacks^^happi to knw u all~~

hahahahahah~~balalalala~~