1st week in aus^^

oh my god...T.T
big error....whole blog missing...
so i rewrite again...^.^
i arrive a day after christmas~~but there is still having christmas sales..
branded stuff all become really cheap^^my sis having holiday also ^^
she take me to all the street n bought really a lot of stuff^^
so happi~~there is quite among of asian lives here besides than logal australian...
here is 30 to 40 degrees~~feel better when there is wind~
the street here is really quiet ~
not many cars on the street n ppl dun yell n scream ~~
n i didnt c any one grap ppl's bag...
is quite lovely here^^
my sis housemate all great cookers~~especially the male~~
all my sis housemate is from china but my sis bf is from hk^^
there is 1 thg still i cant really accept~~>.<
tat is drinking the tap water~~
the tap water here is really clean so ppl all drink tap water~~
but i really ccant tahan the smell even it had been cook....>.<
my sis bought me 6 big bottles of water from the market..
hope next next week i can get used of it^.^
my sis dog is really lovely~~
teddy is really cute~~
on the 1st day we even bring teddy to go out walk walk~~
some photo below..^^


lunch made by sis housemate~~nice~~^_^


TeddY^.^





sis^^


stuff bought from christmas sales>.^


street performance~


angel on the street~

recent life

i gt a really terrible illness...
i vomit n ciritbrit all day..
it all start from monday's 6"30pm's chicken rice...few hours then d whole thg started...
i start to vomit n run in n out the toilet from 9pm to 11:30pm i cant tahan i go c doctor..
i get a injection to stop vomit....but then juz when i get home after eat d med...i straight away vomit again......
vomit ...toilet....untill 4pm...
finally can sleep....
u knw i almost kill myself so tat i can stop this...is really shen fu ar.....
but tat time i really tired jor...
but i still wan to go school...i knew i m stupid but i already plan jor...i wan meet my bf...
so i force myself...
but b4 our date end at 3pm i fell sick again....
i go home but my dad come n fetch me at 4:45pm...
i cant tahan...
i vomit outside his car window...
ohgod....
i vomit whever i eat d whole day...i still can c clearly wat i vomit....
i go c doc again....more medi....some vomit at home...
next day was eng test....still sick....go home early....
today feel better=)
hope i will totally recover.
*i really happy u still remember me at tioman....^.^*
pls:i didnt wan to b jealous ..
hope is juz i tot to much~

Lost

i m so so so lost...
wat is happening??
i nvr feel this
i feel so far away from him
i used to knw everythg about him
becoz i m connected wif him
i didnt mind if he miss report anythg tat happens on him to me
bt i still feel sad tat
there is many thgs tat every1 knw bt nt me
i feel like he dun trust me tat much anymore
...bt mayb i also nt tat trust him too...
i m crying...
so sad...
i knw u r busy on work...
every msg u gav me
u giv this kind of feels
u let me knw tat u r nt happi u r sad...
bt i still can c ur bright happi smile on ur face when u r wid ur fren...
mayb u r right...mayb tat kind of smile doesnt means tat u r really happi...
bt yet...
4 now
is nt really tat often to c u smile like this when u r wif me
wat is happening??
T.T
i used to b the onli gal tat is really connect wif u
u r nt shy bt u r juz
dun really a very socialize ppl
bt then
now i saw many gals around u
u didnt giv me enuf "an quan gan"
u even make me comfused tat m i ur gf??
i really hard to feel anythg
since u dun like to share ur thgs wif me
i used to tell u everythg
when u dun mind listening
bt then u tell me tat u r nt so happi coz
everythg i tell u is sad
i m so lost
i treat u as my best fren my love 1...the important 1..
bt wat m i to u ?
some1 tat u will miss if i leave bt is ok when life without me
i m no longer d onli d one d gal 4 u ...m i ?
i m no longer d one tat make u feel safe right?
i m juz a gal who keep complain
n u feel like when u r in a happi mood to reach me....i shud appreciate it
coz u r busy...n if i giv any no good faces to u
u will annoying n feel like go away since i dun appreciate it right?
tired to say thgs make me smile ....
becoz u r tired n i m a big gal i shud suit myself in this kind of situation right??
y u nvr tot about my feelings?
is been a long while time...u didnt spent ur time wif me
u go out hav lunch wif ur frens when u r free
bt u dun hav time 4 me
becoz going out wif me u need to c ur timetable
u need to c whether u fren ask u out
whether u nid to do thgs
bt u nvr tot about me
how long u been talking to me in one day??
is tat it??
u r busy??bt u still hav ur time to eat at d shopping mall???
y??becoz ur fren wan??
ur fren make u upset then y u make it sound like is was my fault
??
i m so lost...
i wan to leave n stay wif my sis
bt u r d onli reason tat is holding me bac
bt then this how u pay me bac
T.Tall i m asking is
pls stop gt mad tat easy...pls take a litle bit to c to knw wat is happening to me my life
if ur fren is important...then pls try...try think tat i m ur fren too...juz a gal fren....doesnt mean i will wait u to call me to find me when u r free...u r nt my boss...i cant b always waiting...
there will b the end
i dun knw when bt there will
~~~huihui~~~

:)

doesnt wan to guess...i tired to guess anymore...
wats wrong wif me??
T.T
bully me...
i f i can leave u...
c how u still can bully me...
i hate to cry becoz of u ...
knw d word "zhen xi"??
cherish...
do u knw??
am i even important to u??
or mayb nt...when u r busy wif u r world ur own thgs..
no matter wat...
if u r interested in it means i will the 2nd again...
i m sad...i guess u knw...
bt y?
becoz u hav more important thgs to do??
so i hav to forgive n understand even u didnt find me 4 whole day??
T.T
yes...i hav to ...becoz i cant let go..
i cant leave u ..at least 4 now..
i cant....
dearest....
i miss d old time we spent together....
when u r in holiday...
i knw how much u care about me n love me...
bt now...i m comfuse....
becoz...
i hav to worry...in the next min will u might juz say oops...i m busy n i dun hav time to say how mucch i love u...i dun hav time to report everythg to u...i m so tired...i hav so many thgs to do... please go away ...i wan 2 rest......
i gone crazy tat day u say brkup to me....
i m too upset...i cant even remember wat d H. i tell u on d phone wif all my tears in my face....
..............
nt important anymore...
d thgs is..
i wan i try to escape from d love i giv u...
is hard...
is too hard....
or shud i say...actually i doesnt want to leave..............
please...
do some change 4 me....be4 we really end...n be4 my heart broke again...
please remember....u r tired...i am too.....
please dun make me cry anymore...........
........................
tell me.....wat can i do??

love really is blind

zhong jiu hai shi fang bu xia ta...
zhen jui de zi ji hen fan jian...
T.T
mei yong de...
xian zai zhi hao xi wang bu hui zai you shen mou da feng lang...
wo zhi xi wang...ru guo ke yi...fen shou shi liang ge ren gan qing leng le cai fen...
zui hao bu yao shi bu hao de....
wu yan yi dui...
zhi neng shuo wo hai shi hen ai ta..
:)

is another day^.^

i dun always write blog...i juz dun hav d habit^^
bt today i blog again^^
erm...
i m always a cry baby since primary school...
cry might nt even help a little bit...
bt it always make me feel better...
bt lately
i keep losing control..
mayb inside gt somethg rosak jor~~haha
dun knw how to control~
bt d thg is...
feel "stupid"about...." how can i cry twice in college??"
shame shame ~~T___T
bt i juz cant control...
i knew..
i always knew...
every1 gt their hard time...
their problem..pressure....
i knw wat i facing is small...
^.^
bt 4 me is hard a little bit...
i knw i gt d problem think too much loong ago lo~
juz tat i cant help to think too much...
i hav try bt like i say rosak jor cant control
n doesnt knw how to ...
which part is too much??@.@
haha i dun knw too~~
how to change...
i keep tot of my lonely form2 recently...
so sad...
i dun knw y...
i wonder is becoz same bad result i nevr had??
or same dun knw to suit d new place class??
cant catch up??
cant get wat ppl r talk ing about?
feels like i m alone when i m in d class while doing project??coz ppl r talking n...no 1 take notice of me??
feels like wat ever i say is pointless??
wat is going on wif me??
wat makes me so down so sad??
haha....
this is nt maths...negative positive cant help...
is nth to do wif it..
i juz need time to gt over it..

when i was in form2...
i told myself...nver ever let myself into d same situation again...
always been left out...coz no 1 wan to b in 1 group wif me...giving a stupid excuse about wan me to b independent to find own groupmate...
i hate pretending to b sleep during free time...coz i doesnt want to look like too alone while ppl r talking..
hide at my fren's class...while break...
hate to go to school..
feel tired about knwing ppl r talking about u behind..
even gt a website talk about how terrible u r...

tat time i nver knw tat ppl hate me tat much untill i visit tat website...
ha...
haiz.

tat time was really hard 4 me...
i even gt d worst result in my whole secondary school life..
well... my result might nt good bt wasnt tat bad..
tat time...
my sister 4 d 1st time...throwing my books out d house...
becoz of too angry...
feels like i hav been betray by every1 n thgs...


is a bad bad experience..
tat time i learn...
i keep changing...
thanks 2 my best fren..
they didnt left me n still giv me advice
^^i gt frens many frens after form2...


i m sorri i m sensitive all d time...
bt at least i tot i hav a good heart^^
i learn to find out more about d person while being frens wif them..
nt juz about telling them about u^^
care n love ur fren is d key~
tats y later i gt my frens

my result is moving too~^^
mayb nt veri much bt still moving^^
improve a little by alittle^^

so sometimes...
about other ppl...
even my bf..
i m a bit tired to guess..
if they cant change..i m always ready to change...
is fair enuf^^
juz wan to make thgs easier^^
sometimes listen is good
leaving me alone is also good^^
hahahahahhaha
there's always 2 side...


jump leave....flower....tears...sunshine^^
jump^^rabbit jump hahahah

to my frens..

frens..
i m sorry tat i cant help u all...
i hav been try to think in u all d situation...
i hav try to understand...
tats y i keep say i used to feel d same thg...
bt i think u all juz think tat i m happy wif bf n still say tat i m nt happi...
bt i all i m been doing was juz try to be wif u all...
tats all i can do....
to understand... i tot d best way was to be like u all...
i m really sorry tat watever i do or say cant help u all...
bt i really care 4 u all...
i really sad 4 u all...
4 me...i always think tat u all r d best...
i m hav simple brain...
juz i like to think too much....
i love my fren n...i care...
i always hope tat u all r happi...


watever u all think ...
juz hope u all happi....
bt
sometimes i wasnt as happi as u all tot...
bf n family was d onli thg stable 4 me...
i also gt thgs to sad 4..
juz i gt no way to say it out...
In some way u all r happier than me...
in some way i dun hav thgs tat u all hav...
sometimes...
i do feel sad too...
bt
i also dun knw wat to say....
take care....
watever i say...juz dun bother..if u think is nt happi to hear ..
juz pretend u didnt hear...
sorri....



sometimes...when i hear tat u all say i always meet him...
wouldnt hav any problem...
makes me sad....
i m sorri if watever i do hurts u all' s feelings i m sorry...
bt
i do hav my sad moment n time n part too...juz tat
wasnt same wif u all...
wasnt been in d same situation cant feel...
juz....
i m sorri...
...
n when i hav my hard time...
u cant c cant feel...
juz becoz i always been like somethg wrong person...doesnt means my sadness wasnt as sad as d others....
doesnt means....i m nt as sad as urs...
this whole time i hav juz try to think in u all d situation ...
mayb is d wrong way...
if u all dun like i wouldnt say it...
all i been juz trying to do is keep u all wouldnt nt happi...
n i hav to say tat...
i really to care wat su ann say n feel...
sometimes..i dun dare to talk wif u coz i really afraid wat i say makes u more sad...
i cant stand when ppl sad next to me...
i will always try to make them feel better coz i will feel like is my fault....
bt i think i cant make u feel better so..
i always think mingming makes u feel better...
so when ming wif u i always dun wan kacau...
juz take care...
i might be juz think too much bt i do care...
i care about janice also...
mayb sometimes wat i say cant help u...
or i dun gt how isit...
bt all i hope is u will b happi n
wont gt hurt again....
i m sorri...
i hope tat times can help u feel better...
take care^.^

time passes....

this blog... use to be onli 4 my 3 little frens^___^n one special frens...

bt now... because of some resons...i open it 4 d public... ^___^

my life have quite lot of changes.... some good ... some bad...

bt... like my sis say.... even how isit...hav 2 accept it...

one more reason...

y i didnt always write blog...

coz d moment i 2 wan write blog...

is always when i m so down... no one 2 tell.....

college life...is nt bad....

for old friends~~

i knw soome cute frens~~

their are~suann siewming shu hiong hoeyan heyherng janice(onli chonghwa fren)n ah sum ~~

haha~~ onli 1 guy in us~~

bt a nice guy~~ i learn alot from them....

hhehe some is banana~~(some is coconut)hahaa~~

no la...

juz kidding

bt they are really nice n smart...frenly~

always help me...

always~~

eat together~~

at least hav them life in college wont b so hard~

wont b so lonenly~~

bt i never 4gt our funny life wif u all d~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

to new frens~~ ^^

my coconut n balala~~

haha u knw how fun to b wif u all~~

haha~~ sometimes~~u all are childish like me~~

is really happi coz there is no 1 like u all so fun...

n play wif me...

usually...they c i play..

haha ^__^

different~ bt hor~~

really thankyou 4 teaching me so many thgs

n d birthday~~

muacks^^happi to knw u all~~

hahahahahah~~balalalala~~

友情=美丽的水晶球

友情。。就像美丽的水晶球一样。
其实我觉得所有感情都像^___^
。。。。
美丽也易碎。。
有重量。。就像所有的感情那样。。。
感情越是深厚。。。球就越大。。。就越沉重。。。
但是同时水晶球就会更大更美丽。。。

有些人不想拿起那么重的水晶球。。。就无法拥有固定却也沉重的深厚感情。。。
有些人同时拥有太多水晶球了。。。总会不小心打碎一两个。。。

感情像水晶球那样。。。
有些会很清亮很透明很美丽~~
有些蒙蒙的。。。也很美。。。
做朋友做情人亲人。。。
清楚却也不清不楚。。
越是了解越是不理解。。。

有人说过。。。
人总是以自己的方式去解读别人。。。。所以到最后你也无法了解到别人。。。
很有意思的对白。。。^____^


有人说水晶球能预测未来~
那么。。。看你拿的是什么球。。。就像看你跟什么人待一起会有怎样的结果一样。。。
一切都很难说。。。水晶球准不准也要看你怎样看待它。。。
感情也一样。。。。


我是个很爱水晶球的人。。
总是会不小心撞到我的水晶球。。。
但我无法因此而买过新的。。。
我总会搽一搽就继续。。。

因为每个球都是独一无二的。。。有着不同的背景故事。。。。
所以只能不停的收不能丢。。。（除了坏蛋以外）哈>.^
~~~~huihui~~~muacks~~love all my frens n family..^^

4/3。。。乱乱打一篇。。。

走过的路。。做过的选择后不后悔？又能不能后悔？？
选择。。有错吗？？

对我而言。。最重要的是相信自己。。






依赖。。哈。。多可悲啊。。


拥有失去。。谁来判断事悲或喜。。
拥有了痛苦失去了幸福。。那。。拥有还是喜吗？




伤心。。。我们为什么会伤心呢？？
又为什么要伤心呢？
大概我们都没有要不要选择伤心的权力。。。


眼泪。。流过。。。哭过了又怎样？？
难过又如何。？？



学会麻木及习惯。。。
一切就会变得无所谓没关系。。。就算无奈难过。。。也没办法。。



但。。。
拥有难过后。。。
乐观却能让世界变快乐些。。。


因为只是人类无法改变最现实的事实。。。
所以。。。。善待自己与周遭的人。。。却能让感觉好些。。。
只。。不是所有人能办到的。。。


最后大概学会骗自己。。。
因为比乐观更容易。。。






自私无知。。的我。。。
正在难过。。。
可悲的我。。。
无力与难过抗战。。。
选择了守。。


有没有不开心。。。
不太会分。。。
也不知道。。有或没有又怎样。。
我像是迷路了。。。
正在找出口。。。




有光就一定生机之门吗？


不要想太多。。。
东西就不存在吗？？


还是只。。用来叫人类。。逃避。。避免面对一些我们解决不到的事？？


我。。明明无知。。。为什么。。却又会想那么多呢？？
不想那么多。。会简单点吗？？


会想那么多。。。是不是因为不安啊？？
为什么不安？？
没有安全感吗？？





庆幸的是。。
就算有遗憾。。。
我也还是向前进。。
因为。。。
现实教会我。。。
时间真的不会为任何人停留。。（就我知的。。并没有。。见过）
所以在解决这个问题前。。。
要确保不会有另件麻烦出现。。。


慧。。**\(~^______^~)/**
comecome~~
let me giv u all a big hug~~(n___n)~

how r u??

...
ming hui is coming bac next wednesday...
so sad...
he feel tired..
i also feel tired..
i wait so long time..
is this de result??break up??
......
dun knw wat 2 say
sad..
dun wan argue wif u ..
i so tired aredi...
u never understand ...wat is de point to talk wif u ...
bt ...i cant ...i dun wan break up...i cant ...
cant do it...
i dun wan 2 leave u..
i still love u..
bt y??
u make me so sad...
y??
isit becoz 2 long time in ns??
makes u become like this...
nth 2 talk wif me..
i so sick of cry 4 u so many nites...
sick...
i m really tired alredi...
hw can u say i dun knw becoz i never hav time 2 think so far be4 when i ask u did u afraid of losing me???
tat really break my heart....
do u still care bout me??
do u still wan b wif me??
every1 should stop say tat nevermind la..he is coming bac coz everythg will b fine...
u all cant gt it...
never can...
is nth 2 do wif tat...
i didnt accually argue wif u...
u juz listen..n keep telling me dunlike tat la...dun think so much la...
did u ??did u really listen 2 wat i say besides of juz thinking i m juz nt happi 4 little thgs??
so so so long time...
i dun knw wat 2 do any more...
all i can do is wait...
i always wait 4 u...
juz like be4 u say nt sure like me ornt...i wait 4 u...
untill someday u say together..then i b wif u...
n now...i cant open my mouth n say break...
if u ...really dun hav de passion wif me anymore...
juz say it..n leave...
................................

some photo n somethg 2 tell u all~

this is recently pic i take bt i didnt put at facebook or frenster~~

dun really dare~~

juz put here let u all cc~~

bt hor~~

i go 2 college also didnt put make up la~~

juz wan giv mh surprise~so recently i learn jor~~

n i take some pic~~

qianqian~~n munmun ar~~

takecare o~~

i cant really help u all~~

mayb sometimes i can listen u all bt i also cant always help u 2~~

coz different jor~~

so muz take care o~~

luv u all~~

~~~huihui~~~

life

....really wan knw hw i feel bout my new college life??
right..
is boring...tired..n hard...
mayb u can say is fun...coz is different from chghwa...
bt i m tired..
lonely..
i nv ask n hope all my best fren 2 understand hw is my life...
tat's y i didnt ask n find u all..
becoz i knw every1 hav their own life...hard or anythg..
we r facing different kind of thgs...
hw can i tell u all??hw can u all understand??
all i wish is some time...
i need time...
when i totally feel tat i can suit in it...i will find u all...
in college...i m nt sure hw gud isit ...
all i knw is....untill nw i cant find any real or true fren...
well we r frens...
talking bout stuff....if i say i dun hav frens is a lie...
coz if i dun hav any...i more cham....
living in a new world 2 urself without frens...
is hardly 2 survive...
bt they dun knw my thgs...
i dun knw them...
everyday need 2 find out some...
of their thgs...
so we can hav topics...
bt i m pretty sure...when come 2 u need some1 to talk 2...
is hard...
they dun knw anythg...
i hate 2 start over again n again like a story teller...
sometimes...better dun say...
so i keep my own story 2 myself...
i didnt take pic...didnt hav any self pic anymore recently....
u knw wat i m so bz about??
is nt juz bout de work...
is bout in de time when i m tired 2 help myself fit in de college life...in de same time...i m tiring
2 make myself feel better...by nt touching any thgs bout my past...
my chonghwa life...
i dun wan 2 compare bout now n chghwa...
i alredi feel tired n lonely..i dun wan 2 feel sad...
tire nt 2 touch it i will feel nth....
u knw wat i hav nw??
nth...
is nt tat college life is tat tough n hard..
is tat i dun hav any my best fren wif me..
my sister MH...
they all nt wif me in this time..
de time i try 2 suit in...
tat's y i told myself many times...tat...there is no happi or nt happi...
is nth 2 do wif it..
coz it can help 2 change..
i still hav 2 face it....
is life..
this is life...
can u image hw m i nw??
everyday...face 2 de enviroment which was nt de 1 tat u stay for 5 years...
is a new 1...
everyday u hav 2 tell urself...this is it...ur school...
n u will feel like everyday u will knw somethg new bout de school or ur fren...
u knw wat??
there is no long classmates...
so ur fren u will nt always c them..
well...those r juz new bout de college...
n my problem is...i m still trying 2 fit it...
everyday i gt thgs 2 tell...
who i should go n tell ???
should i call every1 n talk 2 them about de whole story???
i m alredi verry verry tired...
is enuf 4 me...
i dun wan 2 b nt fair 2 any of my frens...
so i choose nt 2 tell any1 ...
juz my MH was in ns...
he was alone 2...
i was like his only listener....
coz same reason...
his fren hav their own life 2...
n his family...
he can use a phone three times 1 week...
so those few hours...we can chat bt cant c...
during new year...i hav him n my sister...
after tat...
i m alone again...
u cant understand hw is feel...
aspecially 4 some1 like me ....
i like 2 talk ....i like 2 tell everythg...when i m nt happi...
bt nw....i could only talk 2 my father who fetch me everyday...
bt he doesnt like 2 talk bout my little school thg....
is nt important 2 him...
so most of de time ...he juz listen...sometimes...i wondering...did he listen also....
sister....damn far...juz dun wan waste her money 4 my little thg...
MH....i cant find him....
acually...
i m kind of cant catch up wif my work...
i m weak...i m nt so good on it..
i score low marks....
i m scare...
i cant understand...bt i dun knw who i can ask 4 help...
i cant even tell my parents...
i m damn tired...
some times..
i think janice is much more luckly than me...
she gt her fren li wen same college wif her...n her brother's fren...her boy sometimes come n find her...her parents wont hav any pressure wif her...her work is good 2....
i gt nth....
tat is y i feel like i m much much more ugly nw than be4...
coz i hav nth...no frens surpport...no frens or family understand...
i score low marks...helpless...
can u image??
will u think tat is colourful...is nice...is happi ?
will u think tat ur life will harder than me nw??
well....ofcoz...is juz 4 de start...
i knw tat ...we all knw tat....
tat's y i say i need time....
i really nt tat mood 2 go out....
i m guilty....i shouldnt hav fun nw....
at least u all r still familiar wif de area...u still gt familys or frens 2 surpport or help...
bt i nv wan 2 compare anythg...u all gt ur hard part...i gt mine...
tat's y i didnt find u all...
i m sorry...
if u 2 c....tell peiyeen 2..i wasnt forgeting her...
i luv u all...i miss those everyday can c u all...can talk gossip...nv feel boring...
at least when i m down...when my work is bad i knw i can find who....
nw...i trying 2 built my own new base again...
i hope when i c u all tat time i m alredi finish built my base...
then i can still talk n hav real fun wif u all...
coz...nw...all my happi i nt sure hw many percent is true..
(coz if u wan fren u need 2 b always happi then they onli will like u....they dun knw nth about u ...they will nt understand if u giv them sad face..)
take care my fren...
i hope i can go 2 chonghwa at march de 13^^
hope tat time i will feel better alredi...
i luv u all...
~~~huihui~~~~

hey frens

look~my deardear fren..
i nv forget u all...
bt i still need time 2 gt use on wat i m nw..
bt i still love u all..
i change my msn title...
if u all didnt c..
i hope u all will c my blog..
if nt then i hope u all c my frenster or facebook..
anyway i will try my best...
tell u all this..
i miss i love every moment spenting wif u all...
bt juz nt de time yet 4 me 2 gathering...
i m nt growth enuf...
when u meet me...
i m pretty sure it will still de same me...
wif nt much change...
i hope tat time will juz make urs be more growth bt nt breaking our frenship..
hey gals~
take good care of urself ...
hope tat when next time we meet~
we can show each other wat we had learn from our different life stye...
n we can teach each other somethg new..
i always love u all^.^~
~~~~huihui~~~