wan write sumthg..
juz dun know how..
tat day lost control...
so sad...
haiz..
bt every1 also veli hav this kind of situation de..
haiz...
juz tired...
dun know wat 2 do...
i guess i miss u...
i wan 2 sms u ...
bt no i wont...
coz ...how 2 forget de sad of waiting ur msg...
n tat time u hav a gal , how cold ur msg can be...
even is nt short..bt different wif be4...juz i cant feel it anymore...
de sound of de heart broke...
hav u hear it be4???
i didnt hear it liao...bt i still remember...
when de 1st time u shout at me...
even i already nt tat in u ...juz u still special 4 me...
how could u shout at me??
n...tat time i still worry u angry...try explain 2 u...
if i was wrong mayb my heart wasnt tat pain...
bt it wasnt my fault...u knw it...
juz even after tat u apologize...
i still gt a hole in my heart...
so big gal liao o~~long time didnt hav sum1 shout so loud 2 me infront so many ppl...
tell me ??how 2 get over it??
haha...i still scared u angry...
linn tell me...she saw ur gal play wif other guys while u stand a side wait 4 her...
she guess...isit becoz of tat...
i..dun know...coz i dun hope so...really dun ...
nv write any diary since de day i giv up u wif tears...
juz...becoz my diary is like make 4 me 2 write u...
all about u...
makes me feel myself was stupid..
juz..now so long time jor...should start over...
de old 1...
i tore it all out...
n hide...cannot throw...coz i will miss it...
haa..stupid har??
i tot of tell u about how much i like u..
bt still i didnt..
coz no point 2 do so..
u wont like me becoz i so in u...juz will make u scared...
i ..still remember..
since u hav a gal..
when i saw u eat alone i wonder ur gal didnt wif u..
feel uncomfortable when i hear ur gal veli like 2 play wif boys even already wif u...
haha...
i should let it all go...
pass jor~
juz dun know y recently kept think about it...
keke~~
rest time~~

a new day..

a day makES me cAnnot dun tot of him...
saw him 2day....kind of...dun know wat 2 say ...
juz...wierd or sad/?
ha...
i didnt tot i would c u ...juz when i m nt ready yet....
havent really let u go...
bt...i will never let u go..
coz u used 2 be de1 i like so much..
haha
take pic wif u...
finally..Mr.A....
hhaa~~
dun know wat say...
wan talk 2 u bt dun know how....n say wat...
n i can c u also dun know wat 2 talk wif me...
haha~~
at least i say goodbye 2 u~~
n get ur pic finally...
n.n
will nt 4get u bt...
i wont let myself like u again..
coz i m so sure i wasnt de gal u will like...
so takut about de feel 2 like u ...
tat u r so far...
hhehe~~nvm ...
past jor..
i will be ok de~~
Waloa~~
who i m!!
xin hui wOR~~
surE nth de~~^^
juz dun know y de past flash bac...
u...sky...li....blabla...
makes me think tat i already nt little gal jor...
i mean..
nt 14 15...
is 17~~
cannt play wif u like be4 jor...
wake up......
hehe........

WOw~~^^

iS hoLidaY~~
haha~~
i guesS...i should be happi ya~~n.n
i was having a big break...
n i was giving my self time 2 relax...
soon i find out tat those thg tat make me feel unhappy........
pressure...is school...
about my result...
about him..
i can do nth bt feeling tired on it...n started 2 slow down...
more n more slow...
haha...suddenly i realize ...tat
we all hav problem...
haha...isit late 2 knoe??
n.n...
nvm..............
he hav sum thg...makes me think about him....
....is like he try let me know tat he had sum1 he like...
i dun know y...bt...makes me fear...
i scare..so scared...pls dun start again.....
i ...really cant stand it.........
be sTrong gal...
how many times do i hav 2 tell myself??
gosh...
ahhaha~~dun be stupid...
i going 2 be alright~~
juz read my sis de blog..
can c her heart ..had veli tired...
feel sad 4 her...
bt i will always be her side~~
gambateh wif her^^
oh~~
veli fan ar~~
4 go out de thg~~
this1 Gt prob~~tat 1 also gt~~
haiz~~
sick o~~
dun know~~
BUUo~~
DOngdong~~
dun knooooooooow~~
feel my heart...cannot c anythg..
juz can feel tat i try make myself happi...
so.....i wish i was really happi~~
be good be nice...
be hui..............

i ..........
o...i always hav so many thgs 2 say...
bt when i hav 2 say it all out...i will become spechless....
wat i wan/??
i nt so sure about it...
bt i m sure wat i hav 2 n wat i need 2...
is juz i dun know isit de thg i really wan....
i really luv n enjoy doing thgs follow by my feel n tot...
bt i also know tat it has coz me lots of trouble...
bt still i ....dun look like wan 2 change...
they dun understand me...really dun...
n they doesnt even look like they wan...
n yet...i was tired already...
u know??
no...u all juz dun know...
i feel sick n tired on all these thgs...
start 2 know how it feels when u trying 2 do or be some1 u already unable 2 be...
again these feels...
i dun like it..i really dun...bt still i cant do anythg on it...
so how???so wat??
there is nth i can do...
n i really get tired on trying to tell u all wat i think...
coz u all always no time N no interested 2 listen..
becoz u all hav so many thgs 2 worry about ...
n u all will juz tot thgs of mine r veli little n i should handle it myself....
feel tired....coz u never know wat de feels on us...
i start 2 understand y my sister prefer outside more than our lovely home...
is nt tat u all nt luv us...
u all luv us so much n we know it so well...
n tat is y we cant breath well...
u all will never accept tat thgs u all tot is nt same wif de world now...
coz de thg u wan say is ur ways is always good 4 us...
never never really care on wat we tot...coz we r small n dun know how 2 think...
i luv be a kid...doesnt mean i n mature enuf...
sometimes i will some tot tat even u all wont hav...
is juz i was wondering...isit de gal tat onli juz listen on wat u all say n do so then will be a good gal in u all's heart??
i dun know..bt i guess de ans is yes...
u dun know tat we know u so well..
i was sick...n tired in my heart....
coz i feel like i dun know wat 2 so then i can be more better...
i ...more care about wat i was...bt u all care about wat i can...
so i cant say anythg...
u all should know me well..tat wat i will listen n wat i wont...
bt u always shows like i should be tat should be this....
n yet....i was keep trying 2 tell u to proof tat i was clearly know wat u wan tell me...
bt all u can c is i was trying 2 tell u tat i was better than u...
no~~~~
i was juz wan let u know tat i was already understand u........
n stop giving me tat look tat wat i say is rubbish.......
makes me feel more sick coz...u will never understand me.........
well i accept wat u say tat u r my parents my aunt i should listen wat u says.....
bt still sometimes i really cant stand it....
juz CAnt~
i know myself veli well...
i veli never let myself be in somethg tat i was goimg 2 sad or hurt...
unless somethg special....
i luv u all bt u know..
i was getting tired n tired...
dun know how 2 sad...
dun know how 2 react...
always hav 2 social...
sick of it..
bt i need it....
coz ppl lives in de world n they need frens n familys support...
no i dun wan 2 be unhappi....
i dun wan to hurt any1...
bt yet...they still hav get throuht me...
sick of it...
i was empty...
so empty...is like having black hole in my heart...
scared of luv ppl ...
scared of get hurt when fall 4 some1...
n tired on being de gal...
n no more feels...
so confuses...
who R u??
wHo??
do i know u??
no............
terrible gal................
take away everythg...
i wan go somewhere..
n hav silence n peaceful...
n relax...
i always wan 2 forget...bt still cant..
live is short we should do everythg right wif no regrets...
bt juz tat i was getting sick of being empty...
well...
i was sad...about my result..
maybe is should say is dissapointed...
i did try..
bt i was getting tired...
i cant get up..
i was trying pull myself....
i didnt tell them...
coz is no use...
life is no fair..is always never fair...
so de thg u can do is do ur best 2 get near de fair...
tat is wat human should do...n can do...
oh....so long n yet i still feel sick of it...
maybe they r right..
i was fake...
totally fake n stupid n de gal tat should be hate..
..........even i write so much bt still is de same...
so ....go ahead....be strong n take gud care of urself...

last day liao~~

another day later...going 2 c him jor...
well...cant say wat also~
bt i feel realli better jor~~^^
on my big day~~Mr.A sms me on de 1st time since 5years we know...
haaha~~
is ok ~~
i realli quite happi~~
wish him ok also~~
oooOO~~
erm..
wait 4 2molo ~~
go out wif fren fren~~^^
so gambateH ya~huihui~~^^

another day...

so sad 2 know tat his scared of me jor...
haiz...
so no use..
i wont eat u ...
help..
i juz like 2 play wif u n like ur smile onli..
nth is going 2 happen...
going 2 hav test...
i wan giv it all up...
wat ever..
i cant sad anymore...
actually my mood quite good~
so i wont let u make me fell down...
n i really doesnt wan becoz of CcccCCC~~n hate my fren~
so wat ever la~~i gv up him doesnt mean i will like CCCccccgiv 2 u ...u should knowit...
n dun make hate u ...n do anythg which will hurt u...
i doesnt wan 2...
u r my fren..
i didnt ask u do wat ...juz dun like this anymore...can u??
u know wat i mean...
duN~~i warn u~~
i will never forgiv...
well well~~
i still hav nice nice frens which good 2 me ~~
which will listen 2 wat i say N will nt make me feel sad~~
o i m sorry 2 say... igt hurt 2 much...so is hard 4 me 2 tot ur hurt as nth...
so dun make me do this...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
well~~
now is time 2 talk 2 myself~~
hey galgal~~
be GOOD~~be sTrong~~
never sad of thgs easily~~
thGS will go ~~so dun upset 4 yesterday~~
u should go on~~
last year...even u really like him...will ok 2..coz u n him will never meet again...
n i m sure...i will be able 2 get well~~
so baby gal~~
take good care of urself~~
coz u hav so much 2 do~~
like my favourite movies~~
i still will continue like fairytales~
bt nt totaly believe in it~~
n believe urself n never let urself down~~
coz the most sad thg 4 me is c ur tears my baby hui~~
^^so cheer up my dear~~n.n

newnEW~~

well~~
after all these~~
i was weak...bt more strong jor...
i hav my own tot~~
i believe in my self...
i will protect myself n my family n frens..
well~~try my best lar~
luV like..cant really trusted...
so do guys also...
so i kind of...scared...n doesnt wan 2...
i was differennt wif de 1 of me ...
i mean..
de 1 always wan "pak tuo"~~
always...
now...
i still play alot...
bt no more hope..
now i tot i kind of tot i was become a little gal anymore...
play bt dun think of luv n like...
my 1st record~~
didnt like any1..4 so long time...
ooo~~
bt ...cant o~~
untill this guy shows up~~
haiz...
be4 him..still gt 1 i tot i gt feel de~
bt...no liao~~coz i found tat he wasnt de type i like~~
then talk about him...
"mr.C"
he...
at first i saw him ..
i know..who is he~
he was de guy of my fren's ex...
n de 1...also "mr.A"'s Ex..
"mr.C"was close 2 de guy ..i always play wif de~
so juz once~
i sat next him..
coz teacher cuming~n i hav no place 2 sit~
N actually tat time..
de 1 i gt feel de wasnt him..
was de 1 i sat there de behind..
so i didnt really know who sit beside me..
when i try talk 2 him..
my fren plays wif me liao~~
n my mood was good~
then i kept play n also try talk 2 de 1 behind me..
bt...then tat gal came..
makes me no mood 2 talk 2 him jor..
so i juz play wif them~~
n untill then i onli realize who sit beside me...n i was playing wif him~~
later...
coz he is really a fren wif de 1 sit infront me..
so everytime some special period he wan listen..he will sit infront..
n then...later...
gt so much time 2 know him...play wif him...
he was same wif "mr.A" hav ....
many same thg..
juz their look wasnt look alike...
bt there r 2 many same...
n i wasnt sure..
m i ..was i ..
feel like....getting like him...
i ws scared....
frens say they hope me can do as i say...
try dun fall to him~~
i hope so...O.O

last 1~

well..this 1..i wan say tat...he is really not good at all~~
haiz..
doesnt wan say much abou him...juz...
after"mrA"n sky...
he next..
when we 1st know..
he was having a big problem wif his gal..
bt he still hav weird act wif me..
bt is ok~
nt de point yet~
then later he tell me he break liao..
n he is so sad...
n next year...
i tat time..
i was single n sky de thg...was...already 6 or7 month...
n i wasnt sure i was already let his thg go...
so i didnt really go wif him..
juz then my fren tell me 2 gav another ppl a chance...so i giv him a chance..
n we start at 24/12...i hav think 4 a week then i say yes 2 him..
well..
at first i tot...
he was good n "chang qing" guy ...so i can wif him long time..
bt...later i found out tat...
well ya~he is really "chang qin"
bt...2 his Ex also
stupid..
i trust on him..
i get mad....
coz hearing so many thgs..
i listen 2 my sis...so i find him...
n i ask him face 2 face....
his react tells me tat everythg i hear is true...
he lies~
n i hate him........
tat time..
now...no more..
n i start 2 feel sorry 4 this guy..
he so no use...
n untill hurt 2 gals...
damn no use...
always say dun know...
even me was stronger than him....................
later i refuse 2 talk 2 him..
bt later..
i had send a mail....coz i really need a good explain..
n after tat...i feel much better...
n i didnt hate him so much jor..
bt i doesnt like 2 be frens wif this guy also....
so i didnt talk 2 him liao...

wan write more o~~

let's go 2 second story~
later ...aFter "mr.A"..about 7 or 8 month..
i finally let everythg go...
going on my life...
n then..i know him....
well...
4 me...he is cute...i mean is like the 1st time i saw him...i fall 4 his cute face~~
oh my god~~ofcoz his earring..more shiny??keke~~
haiz...
to be wif him...wasnt my first wish...ofcoz nt his also...
haiz...juz thgs cant count on it de...
he wasnt a super good boy....i mean...he wasnt veli good in his study...
is juz ok onli....bt he is good in sport...
n he sometimes veli super confident~
haha~~i know...he gt a good look~~
a look tat gals like it so ~~
he is so good ...4 me..
i think...
even we cant meet always..
bt he always sms wif me..
i didnt reply his msg...he will veli angry..gt 1 time he angry till 4get 2 take his nap..
sohlou~~
hehe...he will nt happi if i was becoz chating guys n forget reply him...
n he always let me know wat he is doing...
even he forget bring his phone n had gone outside...
he will use his fren's phone 2 call me let me knoe..
when he gt bac ...sure he will sms let me know..
gt once i on9 chatting wif him...
n i off9 coz my line gt problem..n i dint tell him..
he call me staight a way~
he say his hp really hard 2 sms coz gt problem,...
so he decided call me n ask y i off9 n didnt tell him...
we chat 4 long time...O.o~i miss him...o~~
..later he tell he hav 2 go meet his fren dun know at somewhere...
so he wan close phone ..bt he wan me call him baobao..hehe~~
n he call me twice baobei n say he wan hear me call him baobao...
oh~i say long time onli say it out~~he say he is happi then close it..haha~~
makes me think of our 1st call...
he say he wan say good nite 2 me..so he call a while~~
n i was happi~~^^
he always sms me..
when he take bath he will bring his phone in also~~
so gt once he tell me tat his phone gt abit sot coz a water~keke~~
when i was having big big test...he accompany me till veli veli late...
even his msg so many wrong words..he still wan...n in de end he fall alseep finallly..hehe
bt i think is sweet..bt silly...when at his fren's house..he still sms..even he is chatting..
so Bz also wan 2 sms...
silly baobao...
gt once...he go 2 some factory tat makes sweet de.~~
after come bac he tell me he wan learn 2 make a pair bangbang tang 4 me~
haha~~i say him silly coz~candy cant wait so long de~
he gt another name 2~~
sky~bt in phone..we call each other baobao n bao bei~~^^
geli hor~~
bt he is de 1 tat can make me call so geli de word~~keke~~till nw..de onli 1..O.o
gt once~he call me baobei lao po be4 sleep...
then another day i call him baobao laogong~
he say he is surprise n happi...bt he say somethg veli funny...
keke~~coz he say...i m nt "sui bian"let gals call me lao gong de~~
he say..if i i veli easy then wan break up de dun call him like tat...
coz he say ...he was serius...
n he wan me promise nt wan break so easy...^^
like old man~~
when play wif me like little kid~~
bt when talk 2 this kind..he suddenly turn old~~keke~~
ooo~~silly~~
..he had gav me so many sweet memories...
3 month..
weird har...
when u meet some1 u really in it...
somethg sure will happen...
i cant stand...coz cant c him..always..
out timetable always cant match......
i miss him...
even whole day sms...i still will veli veri miss him...
so i decided 2 giv it up~
nevermind........
i m sad...
he is i think..n.n
after break..he n me still contact...n sometimes he will ask me..
do i wan 2gether again...
i will ask him...r our problem tat make us break still there??
he will say yes...
then i say ...then no....
then later n later...we lost our contact..
never sms anymore...
tat time...so sad...is like...my heart gt a big big hole...
cant do anythg well...cant really use it..coz it gt a hole..
n thgs gt in n then will dissapear...
cant cry..bt never smile happi.....u.u
i did tot about find him again..
bt i know..
everythg was going 2 be de same..
so i didnt....
n i know de 1 i used 2 fall in so much..had gone..n de 1 fall in him so much also had gone...
there is no use 2 catch de memories...n together...
so i ...let it all go...n never sms or call him anymore...bt i still happi of having those memories..n.n